Twenty years ago, I began practicing yoga. Initially it was all about the physical — the way the asanas made me feel in my body. I would catch momentary glimpses of something else too, something exquisite, yet it seemed to elude me and was gone as quickly as it had appeared. With steady devotion to my practice, I slowly moved deeper within myself following this ineffable spark that beckoned me. Yoga and meditation cultivated an inner joyfulness that I was always searching outside myself to find.
When I began teaching yoga, I experienced the bliss of not only giving, but receiving too. At first I spent hours contemplating a theme, meticulously organizing the sequencing, even rehearsing each word I would say. Inevitably, when I would teach the class I would need to throw out my very carefully orchestrated plan. I needed to be present in the moment, and teach to what I was seeing, to pay attention to what I was feeling in my body and the energy in the room.
The teaching brought me over and over into the present moment. The planning was a good practice. Letting go of the planning was an even better one. After years of teaching, it has become more organic. I am able to step out of my own way and allow everything to just flow. This giving and receiving from the heart which radiates through me and out to the students and back in again forms a full circle that lovingly embraces all of us. Giving and receiving are the same and all is love.
The love that I discovered I am is not limited to my being on the yoga mat. I am love when I listen to my three beautiful daughters sharing their dreams. I am love when I walk in the sacred beauty of nature by the ocean or in the woods. I am love when I dance with abandon in celebration. I am love when I chant mantra, feeling my heart singing. I am love in intimate moments with my husband. I am love sharing openly with dear friends. I am love in connecting to Osho. I aspire to share my true essence freely, without holding anything back. In this way, I will be spreading a little more love, happiness, and beauty in the world just by being myself.